Over the years i've overcome so many obstacles. Like most people i've seen loved ones pass away,watched relatives become diagnosed with diseases and ailments,lost several friends to drugs and alcohol,and a host of many other difficult times. I even became involved in a hiding scheme involving my own mom cheating on my father and being made to hide it from my dad whom i love.
After so much pain and so many hard times there came a time in my life where I felt almost invincible. You know, thinking that obviously nothing could happen to me because I had already been through so much. If God hadn't hurt or taken me by that point then he clearly wasn't going to. I went through a very rebellious stage from age 17-21. Doing many things that I openly admit I am not proud of. Drinking became part of my normal routine and eventually so did smoking pot. Buying and smoking an ounce of week a day,everyday,somehow didn't seem like a bad thing. Following it up with a bottle of vodka or several bottles of malt liquor seemed like no big deal. At my lowest points I had allowed my best friend to take money from my mother's bank account and became involved with a group of people who went so far as to steal credit card numbers from my place of employment and leave me with the repercussions. My mom and I went through some very difficult times and for many years I was unable to tell her or even realize for myself why I allowed myself to partake in so much horrible behavior. However, throughout all this time my father and I actually became closer. Developing a bond that we never truly felt or had during my childhood. It wasn't until many years later when speaking with my mom that I was finally able to express to her why I felt we had grown apart so for long and why I felt the need to seek ways to numb myself. Truth be told, I felt that my mom never truly loved or wanted me. She had always taken better care of my younger brothers and spent more time with them. I was simply the babysitter,cook,and maid who did all the work while everyone else did whatever they wanted. So I sought out my own ways to feel better. Through much communication and hard work my mom and I were able to come to an understanding that has allowed us to become much closer in the last 10yrs. And I thank God everyday for the way things are between us now because my life has certainly changed. Especially in the past few years.
I always used to joke with my mom about how her family was so horrible and I was so glad to share the characteristics and attitude of my dad's side of the the family. Dad's family was much healthier physically and also just plain better people. Apparently God decided to teach me a little lesson in tolerance while physically challenging me at the same time. It started off with a little arthritis in my ankles. That I had always expected since I frequently would sprain and twist them growing up. Then I developed pain in my knees and could hear the popping and cracking sounds. Within a few years I was told I required full knee replacements. Due to a lack of insurance I never had the replacements and now it is not uncommon for my knees to lock in place and either not bend or not straighten for long periods of time.This of course also causes me immense pain and swelling that lasts for weeks sometimes. Next came the pain in my lower back which became so bad that it started to wrap around my hips and shoot all the way down my legs, on both sides. After many MRI's and CT scans,as well as several rounds of shots and other painful tests I was diagnosed with multiple herniated discs in my back as well as degenerative disorders Scoliosis and Osteoporosis so they are unable to do any kind of surgery on my back. All of these issues combined have also affected my hips and feet. All in all,i'd say i've inherited EVERY SINGLE PAINFUL DISORDER from my mom's side of the family. This includes Trigeminal Neuraligia which is a nerve disorder causing painful and even paralyzing pain in the bones of my face.
Now in my mid 30's I again have had major health scares introduced into my life. I recently was diagnosed as diabetic with a failing thyroid and several other conditions. All in all I guess that I should have been more appreciative of the health I had when I was younger. Like most people I took for granted that I would always be able to run and move around without any problems. But now I must deal with my many many issues and still find a way to keep a positive attitude. I've been given many obstacles and while surpassing them hasn't been an easy task, I have managed to cope and still live a pretty active life. With the exception of the past month things have gone okay. It's never easy to accept that our life is changing because of something that we have no control over. However, the true testament of the spirit within us is in the decision we make to either give up and accept defeat or strive to work harder and live better by accepting what we are unable to change and deciding to live our lives regardless. It's not supposed to be easy. No one ever promised that life was easy. Life is a gift and we can either choose to accept it and make the most of it or we can take it for granted and be selfish and blame everyone else for our problems. I personally choose to try and do the best I can. I'm not perfect by any means and I don't pretend to be. But I am not ready to throw in the towel on the life I was given. So no matter what other obstacles God has in store for me, I WILL LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!
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